I am overcome by vertigo.
Vertigo is the dizzying knowledge that I will die, while acting as if I won’t.
It is the unbridgeable gulf between this moment, now, upon which I teeter, and the infinite moments before and after.
It is the jarring divide between the fantasies in my mind’s eye and the hominid of flesh and bone that is me.
It is the unease I feel as I seek heaven on earth, while destroying this earthly heaven.
Clinging to all this meaning and denial, purpose and inertia, my head is spinning. There is nothing below me. I can’t look down to save my life.
Instead, I creep into the safe embrace of images. I tether myself to illusions and ever so slightly release my grip. Perhaps, If I stay here long enough, I will be able to open my eyes.